my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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