i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
