how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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