if i can run in heels then i can drive
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
