I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
