my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
