i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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