Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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