"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
