Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm both gender and math confused
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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