you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize