K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
