it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
