The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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