Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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