I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
