He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
