What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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