new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
