I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
