weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
