If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
