my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
