kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize