Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
