I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
