so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
