I'm lost and stupid without you.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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