Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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