are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
