I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize