Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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