I'm so fucking centered right now
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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