How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize