The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
