i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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