the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
