My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
