we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
