On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
