wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
