On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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