didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
