last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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