it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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