idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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