you guys were way drunker than both of me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
