Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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