My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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