ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
