Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
