i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize