Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
