I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
