That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
