2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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