Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
