once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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