thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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