We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
