I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
