A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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