we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
