Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
