Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
