you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
