Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
