; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize