Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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