i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
