Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
