How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
