dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize