what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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