So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
