I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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