just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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