Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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