The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
