It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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