my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize