Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
