Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
