I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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