some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
