my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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