hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
