My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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