What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
