I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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