OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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