Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
