he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
