sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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