where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
