I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
