Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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