i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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