I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So squirting runs in the family.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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