Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize