I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
